To start off, i decided to post this on my blog because lesser people will view it. Else people will always comment my facebook too emo.

Recently someone’s mother whom i know passed away, i wanted to attend the wake yet I cant due to family belief of chinese 19 years old cannot go red/white event. ( Wedding – red / funeral – white ). So I have to ask someone else to give the “white silver” (Bai Jin). In fact, i had an heated arugment with my mum because of this getting me very pissed and upset.

Due to the death of his mother, I have been requested to take his classes cause he cant help to instruct. I tried my best to shift my schedule around already so I can help him, taking his classes. But I cant take his Monday afternoon class because of my commitement in school and I cant miss anymore lessons in school. I have already tried my best to help and assist. Just because I cant help on Monday afternoon class, i was called being “unloyal” to my brother. I was wondering what is wrong when I have already tried my best? The comment from him is a simple comment and totally mean no harm but sometimes I was thinking, whatever you have done for others can just be spoilt by just 1 “wrong” action of yours? I know it hurts when it lost a parent, in fact, i got very emotional because he lost his mum. Ask my classmate, I have been abnormal in school today. I even almost had an arugment because of that.

I cant accept a fact when someone lost their parents because I myself who is very very weak is very scare that the same thing will happen to me. I am weak, period. I am just learning how to accept life. I am scare i will lost my parents too. Maybe just because of my “wrong” action, if my parents passed away, no one will help me and the worse, i am alone. I don’t know.. I have this feeling. If my parents passed away, I am not gonna tell anyone? I don’t know..

In sumamry, i am just thinking, just a wrong action of yours, can result in all the trust you have built to be gone?