They are back…

They are finally back after so long. To be honest, I miss them. Wufang is VERY empty without them. When you walk in the MRT station, you will not be expecting Ren Zoe at the Cheers. When you walk along the path towards Wufang, you will not be expecting students playing basketball. Everything is totally different without them…

It feels so bad, cruel, ugly and worst painful to be lonely and loneliness SUCKS. I am the only child of my family. Lets face it, if you are not strong enough, there will be no friends beside you. If you are not strong, the coach will not appreciate you no matter how hard you try.

My parents will die one day, they married late and they are very old now. They may not be able to see me marry, they may not be able to see their grandson. If they are gone, I cannot imagine the pain I will have to undergo. I have already lost 2 persons who are 2nd closet to me after my parents and give me strength in several occasions. They have only 1 son too and I can really see the pain of him when his mother died. He may be a grown up earning a lot of money but I believe his sadness will never go away. He is lonely too, I know.

It is very stressful….. I cannot afford to lose in studies, wushu and everything I have. I tried to put on that smile everytime even when I am sadden by situtaion. I mustn’t let anyone even people who I don’t know worry me, think I am weak, think that I am not strong enough. I have to fight to win for everything to make them happy.

Sometimes, you have an opinion yet you don’t dare to voice out, why? I am forced to agree with people’s decisions and live with it or rather it is my own decision to live with it. If you don’t live with their decision sometimes, you may be seen as a weak person.

I have no siblings to talk your heart with.  I am all alone, lonely all the while since I am young. What are forever friendship? Are there even such things? At primary school when I was young, me and my ‘best’ friend vowed that we will never leave each other as friends and for that reason I treat him as my brother, my everything, I tell him all the things I know. Because I have no siblings, I really take him as my brother. Yet he betrayed me on that very day…. that fateful day. I never trust eternal friendship anymore.  Anyway ever since we started out own respective secondary school life, we never talk to each other again. When we met each other, we will just walk different way.

Now at Secondary school, I met with another guy who knows me pretty well or rather, he knows my everything since Secondary 2 as well.. is there such things as eternal friendship? Haha, lets wait and see. The person who I am referring to will know who I am referring to, i guess.

So what has Wufang do with this? Because I felt that loneliness that I feared the last week. I can always follow them to Beijing if I want, but I have to take care of my parents and my “o” levels are coming. It is not worth losing that o level battle, for the time being. My parents are not on good terms for the last 6 months already though I know they will never devoice (spelling mistake?) but it hurts me seeing my house turning to what it is now. ( In case any misunderstanding here, they do talk a lot to each other but I can see that they are not on good terms. )

Today, 2 persons passed me something to me that they bought from Beijing, I am really touched… someone cares about me and thinks for me. I know my parents does that but the feeling is different. I don’t think they will ever see this but I really thank them. When *he* told me that *he* is going to get me a gift passing to someone there who will pass to me, I am also very happy as well and that feeling is just weird, simply put happy….although I never received it.

Why has it to be like this, why am I the only child…….why…. I don’t want to lose everything just on 1 night which “he” did when he lose his mother and I really don’t want that night to come… I will be alone….. alone to face it and is there eternal friendship?