I just recieve a message from someone who is very close to me. I knew what is going to happen since 3 months back but I didn’t feel much then but now when i got the message from her, a happy message… I feel sad, i never feel so sad for a long time already. I wanted to hide my feeling in front of my classmates but this time round, i cant.. i just cant put a persona anymore.

She is someone who is not even blood related to me. My sister. I don’t know, but what i know now is that i cannot afford to lose someone who is close to me..Sometimes when I am feeling sad and down, she is one of the first person i can talk to without any barrier. Haiz, I am going to miss this sister of mine. The feeling isn’t good. She is going for 4-8 years.. I know we can still contact and talk to each other through skype, msn but the feeling seriously.. Awww really feel sucky

Wishing her all the best when she is in Aus.

Haha, it seems like my fujistu laptop needs to go hospt. The plastic holding the screen, cracked. Can still use la. Just that i know, the longer i wait, the worse it will get. Maybe at the same time, i need to tell the person to change the keyboard and the fan as well… Sometimes not working well. But first I need to find a few days I have no project.

Haiz… HAHA

Met YangLin, Pratibha, Eugene and Alex there while I attend the Windows 7 Development workshop at SMU organised by SG Acad Team, MS Singapore. I have been following Jocelyn Villaraza‘s blog but never had a chance to see her in action and today, finally, i had. Pretty good presentation done by her.

I am gonna rewrite one of her guide for my school’s bootcamp. Hope to get it done when I am free next week ( After Monday ). I never knew that program was so cool.

Going to teach wushu tomorrow morning!

Yawnz, have been doing ECSA for one whole day… not one subject which I am most pleased with..

I want to do some bits of ENCM later at night! So excited about the Windows 7 development workshop tmr at SMU.

Seems like moving hosting is not as easy as i think. During school today, I looked through my hosting and wanted to delete those files which I no longer need but because my root domains died and hence i cant properly see what is inside anymore. Seems like I have alot to move…

Seems like over the course of next 3 weeks, I will be starting to move a few hosting to a new host with ASP.NET capability. Including this blog but first I need to clear all my stuffs from the hosting.. alot of things!

Busy Busy… I am starting to enjoy this!

I am also excited about upcoming stuffs! Woohoo!

My planning will be ruined if i add this in but I have the urge to learn Human Resource Management out of a sudden. I will borrow books from library and learn but will I have the time?

p.s: After having a long talk this morning, i guess sometimes it was really misunderstanding uncleared which in result causes more misunderstanding. Was glad I had the chance to clear up some stuffs. Oh yea, i pretty had a good sleep last night.. Its been so long since I had one.

I guess that would be the way though it could be very weird and it might not reach the effect. If it does passed the first wave, would the second wave be successful?

Everytime i think of my parents leaving me ( they die ), I am very scare. Very very scare. I know I am not the only guy in the whole world where the parents will eventually die but I just dread the feeling.

I learnt not to trust people easily. I learnt ( and still learning ) how to keep your cards and be sure not to show out everyting to everyone. Even to classmates, friends. You do not know what they have under their smile sometimes. They can act to help you but eventually backstab you. This is very tiring. I am very tired sometimes. There is only 1 person I can trust. I can really tell everything to. But slowly, he is drifting away from me. ( It might just be my imagination ), he will have more friends which might treat him better than i do. ( I am angry at him sometimes for no reason ). Evenually he will have his girlfriend. I don’t mind. I just want to have the feeling that I have someone to rely on if anything happen. Everytime he calls me kor, i felt relieved because he treats me like his family members. Again and again, he re-assured me, i can go to him if i am alone but sometimes, i see no point to. I dunno why. Calling me “kor” is simple but his action is another thing. It might appear that he “needs” me but in fact, i am the one who needs him more.

I indulge myself in alot of projects and work. Working and working and endless working will make me forget of everything sometimes. This, in return, made me more tired. That day, i “accidently” spilled out my feelings to Ronnie and Danielle, they sugggested that I should grab the chance and go out with my family more often. I know but sometimes I just cant bring myself to do it. I dunno why. The last family dinner we have together is 2-3 years ago? ( In the past 5 years, we had 2 ). Sometimes being with them makes me think how it will feel when I am alone. Damn. But i need to do something about it.

In the past, when I go to Wushu, I feel more relax, i feel like i got nothing to do. I feel … just very relax. I will forget about things which I worry. But now, when I go back wushu, i have one more worry. I am afraid to tear my ACL, MCL, MM, LM again. Its so painful… Damn I am scare already. When an athlete is scare, he cant break his limit anymore. When I go back wushu. I am scare coaches will scold me for not trying my best. Well I don’t dare to. I am timid. I am lousy but I do not want to them. Thats why i avoid wushu now BUT then again wushu my only form of relaxation have became my worry now.

I like to look at kids. Why? cause they always have they do something wrong or do not want anything or when they want a thing, what they do is just to cry. Simple.. Cry. When i feel their innocent smile. I always wish I can be like them. I know I cant but I am just trying hard to “appreciate” it and imagine I am one of them.

I SHOULD FIND A GIRLFRIEND SOON SO I WILL NOT BE ALONE ANYMORE. I WANT THE FEELING TO LOVE SOMEONE AND TO BE LOVED.

Why am I posting this to show everyone how lousy I am? No one will be reading this anyway.

This is the last photo which I took with my family.

I just realised, I am reading how to become a better brother.

Finally It is reinstated.